Date-Rape Drugs

Is it just me, or do date-rape drugs and hookers seem an odd combination? I guess they are effective for the poor bastard that can only afford a $20 cap but for the most part it is amusing as hell. So the Fe Fi Fo Ho comes in skipping and dancing around the bar and I was thinking to myself OH SHIT IT IS GONNA BE ONE LONG NIGHT.

She informs me she is on 2 caps of GHB can she work??? I was thinking probably a bad idea but "Ok just don't be a pest!" I am out at the front door talking to my door man when a guy comes by asking if we have any girls. I tell him yeah aside from the ones here at the door there is another in there you cant miss her. He walks in the bar and walks out saying there is no one in there. Now this girl is literally 6'8"-6'10" in her heels how could he miss her. I walk in and look around and nope no stripper. I look around the bar, check the dressing room, the restroom, the VIP room. Nothing. Then as i am walking out to ask my doorman if she left i see her cocked under the stage. Looked like she had a broken neck so i went over to her and asked her what was up. She said "Gemeeabartowel" and that's about how it sounded. I got her a towel and then she looked up, her face was covered in blood.

Yukkity Yuk Yuk i don't have HIV i don't want HIV or any other blood borne pathogen so i stepped back. She asked that i help her to the restroom i said ok and put a plastic bag over her hands and said grab on. So I walk her to the bathroom, her nose is broken she is bleeding from her mouth etc. I could only laugh. Apparently the dumb date-rape drugged moron who took it recreationally face planted against the steel bar. Oops! Broke her nose probably chipped a tooth or so. I send another girl in to clean her up. About 10 mins later the idiot is asleep in a chair, i figured let her sleep. Upon waking up a few hours later she asked why she hadnt made any money, i tried to explain there just isnt a market for comatose hookers, most men get that with their wife why would they wanna pay for the experience?

Mothers Day

A guy comes in with his mom on Mothers Day evening and drools over the stripper currently in the club, TFB. He is loud, a bit drunk, but seems like a nice enough guy. His mother is a demure, very kind lady who just really seems like my kind of people. We hang a bit at the bar chatting and then he continues to be infatuated with the stripper. He figures out that he can have the stripper for a "VIP" for the paltry sum of $240 ish.  

Before i know whats going on he is off to the VIP room with the stripper and his mother is paying for his "dance."

They run to the back and get busy while his mother and I chat. She is charming, from the left coast and in the IT field. While they are back there his mother asks me the original sex of the stripper. If they had questions initially i think they should have been asked up front rather than after the fact. The mother asks something along the lines of "I didn't just pay for my son to get a blow job from a man did i?" What am i to say? This puts me in an extremely awkward situation. She notices my discomfort and laughs it off stating "Well it will teach him some humility!" What a gem!

After all is said and done the son comes out and is grilling me as to whether or not the stripper is or was a man originally... I state we have all types that work in the club and since i have no intimate knowledge of any person that works in the club i cant tell. This is a fact, i know what people say, i know what people think, but i honestly can not 100% know for sure the past or present gender of any person working in the club as a dancer. The dancer tells the son that she was born with both sexes.  The son says well it doesn't really matter he would do her again.

You can tell he is never quite sure and gets more agitated as his time in the bar progresses. His mother tries to control him, eventually our conversation over life and computers is cut short as she must remove her unruly child from my establishment before he is forced to spend a night in OPP.

He asked me if he is now considered a fag, i stated and gave him the easy way out. "Did you go there with intent to have sex with a guy? Did you think it was a guy? Did you want it to be a guy? If you answered no to all these questions then NO you aren't gay." If you answered yes, maybe you are gay or bi... Who am i to Judge?

Although she was a doll he was a bit of an asshole by the end of the night taking liberties with peoples personal space and telling me he should come over the bar and kick my ass. At one point he tried to shove his fingers in my nose asking me if they smelled like pussy. He said he has been in many prisons before and is returning soon. Tis a pity but with his deteriorating behaviour after he rushed to do the deed ignoring his better judgment how is it my fault? It isn't. So gentlemen, young and old, don't be a total fucking moron if you think a female in a strip bar in New Orleans is male, chances are they either are or were at some point if you don't wanna go there, then DON'T. If you ignore your better judgment and do it anyway, you are at fault and to blame no one else is. So pull up your big boy panties and deal with it!

Till next time, PEACE

Fe Fi Fo Ho

So the other night i am talking to a dancer that works for the competition and she is going on telling me how she smacked the Fe Fi Fo Ho. I stopped for a second and knew immediately who this person was. She is 6'0 without heels, and with stripper shoes she is easily 6'8" so the name fits perfectly. She is a total self centered bitch that thinks she is "all that" and doesn't realise that she is a washed up whore. To be a whore is one thing, to be a washed up whore is altogether different. So the Fe Fi Fo Ho continues to win friends and influence people. I would have to say the funnies part about this particular person is a lot of men think she is transgendered. Does that mean you are hot? I am thinking... I will keep my thoughts to myself on this one. She could be attractive if her personality weren't so shitty. She will walk up to you every day telling you how she is going to die and ramble to you for hours about how pathetic and miserable she is. The second you ever say anything about yourself she glances at you with a curt look, says "I don't care" and walks off.  I am told none of the bartenders/managers on the block can manage her or keep  her in line, yet i never had that problem when she worked for me. 

I am tired of one thing on the block. Nearly every freakin dancer tries to tell me and convince me they are the biggest moneymaker on the block etc. The other day one girl works her first shift with me. Does a $60 dance and the second the customer pays for it she has her hand out. I said what? she said give me my money, i looked at her and laughed in her face. I said you don't get paid immediately, you claim to being a dancer for over 7 years and you have yet to figure out how it works? I am unsure if i am more impressed with her audacity or ignorance.  She started to pitch a fit,  and told me hers was the best ass in the French Quarter, to which i laughed and told her, "Wow Really? I hear that daily from different girls" i then pointed to the front door and told her to have a nice night and get out of my bar. 

The two biggest moneymakers I have worked with are one transgendered i called Sideburn Sue in a previous post, and then another short lil "healthy" Hispanic looking dancer. The heavy set one is amazing with people. I am unsure if its her soft voice or maybe her calm demeanor but she can walk up to ANY customer and within 5 minutes of talking to him have a dance and then some.  I enjoy her working my shifts because i know i will make some money.

Customers asking me if i think they are idiots is seldom a good sign for them.

Thursday night, i had this total pretentious prick in the bar bragging about how much money he has etc. Well 3 girls went up to him and he denied them all, then "Sideburn Sue" went up to him and some how cracked his safe open. Within 10 seconds he bought her a $27.00 drink and 5 minutes later a $280.00 dance. After he agreed to the dance i had to get him to sign his credit card receipt, give his fingerprint, take his photo etc. When i went to him to get him to sign the receipt he started being a real prick. He looks at me says "Do I look stupid to you?" to which i bit my tongue and assured him that the fact that he was going upstairs with a man he thought was a woman didn't influence my opinion of him at all. He asked what i would do if he refused to sign it, i said not too much apparently and about 10 seconds before i was going to kick him out the door she signed, then gave his thumbprint and i snapped his picture. After his dance he wouldn't leave, so the girls got him to spend more money, 2 rounds of drinks and he was at $91.00 so he closed out his CC again. Then he wanted a VIP with the 2 girls i mentioned earlier together, Sideburn Sue and the Heavier one. I told him it would be $560 he said no. after about 45 minutes to an hour of the girls wrangling him he decided on 2 $120.00 dances. well the 45 mins of wrangling and drinking put him at about $490.00. Before the dance both girls insisted on $100 tip for each of them and $100 for me. So they take him to the ATM and he withdraws $200 gives each girl her share. Well they went ape shit and started badgering him till he went to the ATM again. This time was for my tip. They weren't going to do anything with/for him till he tipped me. He comes to the bar gives me a $20 note and walks away. The girls looked at me and said they were going to get the rest during the dance. After them postponing his dance for 5-10 mins and hearing him getting annoyed i told them to forget about it. Once the dance was over they managed to get another $40 from him for me, so these 2 girls definitely rock. They shortly ended their shifts after this dance and headed home, the guy was still there wanting a VIP from another of the girls, he went to throw it on his CC and i ran it and it was declined. So she took him over to the ATM and he tried n tried to get money from it, she then saw a receipt on the floor and it was his. he was $-198.00 at that moment. So we both knew it wasn't going to happen, he went in and out of the club another 5 times or so, and on each reentry he had me run his card to see if it would work yet.

NO SIR I DO NOT THINK YOU ARE AN IDIOT AT ALL, you spent a total of over $900 on a guy and a girl and called the guy a Classy Woman at the end of the night. YOU SIR ARE A TOTAL MORON! With your Wedding ring and negative bank account I hope your wife is PROUD!

Week from hell

Can you say SLOW, i worked one night alone *no tits = no tips* i worked another night with a drunk tranny, that offended everyone that walked in. I worked another day with a virtually full bar but was ony bar tips no dances etc, and the next day was working with a door man that got drunk and went and turned a trick at another bar. Just hasnt been my week.

Ugh and Unfff

Lets hope next week is better, then again, its hard to beat $28.00 in tips in a week, when i am used to making $300+ a night....